Funny Bone

hey. im in a hurry so i just thought of my abandoned blog. anyways, i found this blog that have Samy Vellu Jokes. please keep an open mind kay?

Samy Vellu on the speed of Pos Laju's delivery system :-

"BESOK KIRIM, HARI INI SAMPAI" :-)



At a TV interview, when trying to say he was ashamed, he said:

`Kemaluan saya besar'


Samy said in a ceramah:

"Kita akan bina satu jambatan untuk orang-orang kampong disini."

One pakcik asked, "Datuk, sini takde sungai, buat apa bina jambatan?"

and Samy gloriously replied,

"Kalau takde sungai, kita bina sungai!"


Samy's favorite quote on national television:

"Toll naik sikit, manyak marah saya. You ingat semua ini toll saya punya bapa punya kah!"


During the water crisis:

"semua orang diminta jangan membuang aiyerr..!"


Regarding social problems:

"..orang2 muda sekarang banyak hisap dada.."


At a blood donation campaign in Sungei Siput:

"...marilah kita semua menderma dara.."



During the height of the Al-Arqam saga, he said in a press conference,

"Saya gembira bahawa didapati tiada pemuda MIC terlibat dalam kes Arqam.."



At an opening ceremony:

"Tuan tuan dan puan puan, saudara mara, sesudah semua orang makan kenyang, sekarang kita mempersilakan Datin Paduka Rafidah Aziz naik ke pentas untuk membuka kain"




Commenting about his modesty:

"sebenarnya, kemaluan saya sangat-sangat besar"



And the best: u know why our N-S Highway concessionaire is named PLUS.

PLUS Highway = Pungut Lebih Untuk Samy



"saya berasa bangga dapat melihat pusat-pusat jururawat yang cantik-cantik.".upon opening ceremony for nursing training center



"Saya tidak setuju dan menentang sekeras2nya tuduhan PAS memanggil kami kapir ..."



Ucapan Samy Vellu sempena kepulangan angsakawan Dr. Sheikh Mudzafar,

"Kita rasa bersyukur kerana angkawasan kita yang telah MENINGGAL DUNIA selama 10 hari telah selamat DIKEBUMI."

Samy Vellu and his Stamps

When Samy Vellu completed 25 years of his role as a politician over M'sia, he wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He insisted the stamp to be of international quality. When the stamps were duly released, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and become furious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and ordered him to investigate the matter. The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported on the problem to Samy Vellu.

He said: "Sir, the stamp is really of international quality. The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!"




-------samy vellu and space exploration

Mr Samy Vellu went for the United Nations' meeting. He represented the Malaysian Prime Minister. All nations were
discussing about space exploration by the year 2008.
Here are some of the conversations:
China Delegate : "By the year 2008, China will start their moon exploration project."
Russian Delegate : "We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon."

George Bush & Clinton : "We the United States will also explore the moon for the second time."
Malaysian Delegate : "By the year 2008, Malaysia will explore the sun."

There was a long silence. Bush stood up and asked the Malaysian delegate
"Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?"
Samy Vellu (after a long silence) : "We will do it in the
evening."

-------------------- version 2

Siri lain
Samy Vellu ditemuramah tentang program angkasawan negara.

Lagi-lagi Samy
Samy: "…Bagi saya, ini semua adalah satu pembaziran atas duit rakyat.
Kita sepatutnya tidak hantar mereka ke bulan, tapi hantar mereka pergi
matahari. Barulah USA, Russia, respect sama kita…."

Penemuramah: Tapi Dato' Seri, matahari kan panas. Macam mana mau pergi
sana ?

Samy: Cit! itu pasal la u tara jadi mintri. Saya suda lebey 30 tahun
jadi mintri, saya musti ada jalan penyelesaian. Kita jangan pergi siang,
manyak panas. kita pigi malam, baru ada sujuuuuuk……



--------------------------



samy vellu and sign Language
Samy Vellu was visiting India when he fell and broke his jaw
and was unable to speak. Being the great leader that he was,
he continued his grand tour.

On the last week of his visit, the RTM crew was present for
his press conference. Although unable to speak, Samy insisted
sending a message home to his Cabinet colleagues.

Samy caught a chicken and showed it to camera. He next took
a goat, and showed it to the camera. Finally he took a bag
and displayed in front of the camera.

Dr Ling was the first to see the video clips. He said, "Samy
is telling us that India has insufficient food because he
showed us chicken and goat, and he wants Malaysia to donate
bags of rice."
The senator watched silently then said, "No lah!...what Samy
trying to say is HE IS COMING BACK!!!"

The whole Cabinet was puzzled and look to the man for
an explanation.

The Senator reasoned, "AYAM KAMBING BAG!!!"
("I am coming back!!!" in Indian accent)

hope yall like it. see ya.

Set Em Up

hello. well today obviously got drama right? huh. i wanted to go zoo for the volunteer thing which was 50% of my sivik mark. then knowing my dad he let me go only if we could see my teacher, got letter from school, see the zoo people and bla bla bla. so in the end got plenty of tears, i hate you's and inner hating.

at the zoo, my dad was going ballistic and start talkin bout me behind my bck to the zoo people. then he went home. turns out, he dint go home. he went to my FRIGGIN SCHOOL. i know, embarassing to a point of fucked up. he axtually went to see my teacher and stuff. i had nothing to hide so i dint give a shit. then he just wants to find some fault in me, he asked my teacher bout basketball. my teacher said that one the student arranged. major duh. the school was too cheap to pay for our training. anyways then my grams told my dad lets just send her to hostel. BAH! that will happen (eye rolling) i rather chop off my arm tha go to a hostel. and believe me chopping off my arm would bring loads of attention from the media and my dad wouldnt like that would he?

alas, he is my father. this is a curse that has been bestowed upon me. ala, i know eventhough how much i despise him, ashamed of him, he's still my dad. cant live him alone can i? not like i have a choice.

anyhows, forget bout him.

ZOO TIME!

it was freakin awesome. got loads of hard labour and shit. i mean real shit. u know, poop. hey those turtles can poop like hell man. it was like a mountain. anyways, managed to clean 3 mini ponds and 1 huge one. it was fun. but our zookeeper not only was damn han sap (flirty) he was cruel too. the turtles, poor turtles kena step on by him, rolled over and he also fed a LAMB real living breathing LAMB to a snake. did i mention it was a LAMB? those cute ones. good thing i hate lamb chop. he pulled the lamb by the neck, fed it some vegies then throw it into the snake cage. it was effed up. i know snakes gotta eat but cant you like slaughter it first? give it a faster death than a slow painful one down a snakes throat?

anyways, heres some pics.

camera person - me
the people inside the pics - han sap fella, ruth, me, shyam, cutesy pie and family, mount garbage, mini mount garbage, mr broom

before our hardwork

even the turtles are cowering in fear because it is so dirty.

i present to you mount garbage

all in a row. good boy. and girl. and boy or girl?

close up on the crap!

working hard le

shyam abang sado' haha

ruth excited over mud hhehe

you know.


after so long, it is CLEAN

swimmy here, swimmy there

its too shiny. my eyes, it burns haha

mini mount garbage

hardwork always pays off

it looks like a mirror image but its not

no intro needed

paksa smile hehe

warriors of cleanliness

the cutesy pie!

so clean already?

after that, fed the turtles. there was this turtle island where u have to cross a wooden plank like in a pirate movie one in order to get there. almost crap my pants i did. it was scary and the plank is like real wobbly. anywho, i got out alive haha and walked around with me frens and took more pics with ruths and philips phone and camera.

then i head home, eat and take bath. my hand smells like a turtle salad which consist of lettuce, cabbage, fish, papaya, banana, long bean, and some other things i had to hold. not good. have to go wash le. see ya. tata.

Skippy

howdy do. okay. today is a brand new day. started off with me going to school. watch pro people play basketball then head to class. then head to koperasi meeting. can die. it was so majorly boring i swear. then my pengetua mcm over over emotional. she lets people give opinion then say stuff like "jgn jdi negative." what? woman decide whether u want our opinion or not. i mean since urs is oh so valuable-ente' and our is so worthless-ie-es (?)

hahah. then in class. ugh. class = boring. we dint even learn anytin. teavher cme in and sit there while we play chess and stuff. then during rehat kne mrh by teacher norliah then blik class. i wanted to ponteng kh since teacher dint even come but nah. i will be a good disciplined student (puking sounds)

masa maths i did my work, pour water on kong, throw paper at everybody and laughed. a lot. then 15 minutes mahu blik i went out from class. dnt wury i finished my work ady. then hung out with me frens, shoot some hoops then blik.

ate rice with kurma before going up into my own lil world called my room. now im reading, chattin and bloggin. i need to find something to do. see ya.

p.s. tomorrow going to volunteer at the zoo. cant wait!

Threats

a hell lot of ugly from a parade of stupidity

haha, hello people. today went for bball at siaga then went to school. was hyper hyper. then, this is when the drama starts, balik time. it was 7.15 and my bro called me. he was freaking out and was saying omg, dads pissed at you bla bla bla. i have to admit i was scared shitless. and talking to my grams was useless cause she said it was all my fault. what? i called her just now saying im going to school and might be going home a little later. anyhows, i asked aida if she could send me home and she said can. so anyways, in the car my bro was teling me my dad wanted to see my frens and stuff. how old am i? 10? i came back at 7+ also want to go all crazy. its not like i pergi isap dadah. i was at school for God's sake.

after that, reached home. my dad was going crazy at me, athirah and aida. being the a-hole he is, he keeps finding stuff to blame it on me. and another thing that was puzzling me was if he was so fucking worried, why didnt he check at school? he knows i play there almost everyday. anyway, do you what he fucking said? he was scolding us as if what we've been doing is so unthinkably disgusting. sheesh we were playing basketball, not fucking around. bet he dint believe that. he also said and i quote "i've been giving her all the freedom such as letting her sleeping at 3am and watch tv after 12am." wtf? im 14. its NORMAL for me to sleep at that time. if thats freedom i'm in prison. oh wait i fucking am.

i hate this hell hole. anywho, he said nomore basketball for me. at first i was fucking piss and shit sad la. what the hell? i mean my uncle said its good to play sports than do drugs and shit after the divorce. now my dad is saying i shouldnt play. omg, i have to consider smoking. see his fucking face would be priceless. but of course what my mum said is true. i'll just be hurting myself. so u know what im gonna do?

-PLAY MORE BASKETBALL.
-KEEPING MY ROOM DIRTY AS HELL
-COME HOME REALLY LATE
-WATCH TV ESPECIALLY AFTER 12AM
-SLEEP AS LATE AS I POSSIBLY COULD.

at first i thought i should just go to my mums as easy as that. but i wont pussy out. i just provoke him somemore. lets see his face when im fucking rebellious. i wont let him win anymore. im gonna have so much fun. im done being the perfect daughter for him since he wont appreaciate it. im not saying i'll go into negativity like drugs, free sex etc but i will NOT LISTEN TO HIS SHIT. but since i still love my mum, i'll be the perfect daughter to her by keeping my grades up, respecting her and stuff.

anyhows, now im in my room going in a hunger strike until the coast is clear. i dont want to see him after what he said to aida and athirah. btw im really sorry guys for his a-hole behaviour and thanks for being there for me ^_^

im thinking of having scrramble eggs. sounds good. gotta go talk to my informer (bro) now. see ya.

p.p.s. if he stops me from going basketball, i will take a cab i swear to God.
p.p.p.s. i love you people.

Jaded

haha, hi. well todays a monday. surprsingly it all went awesomely.woke up. had bihun goreng which was awesome btw. went to school. talk talk, perhimpunan perhimpunan then head to class. during sivik, talk bout ghost stories. fuck, it was shit scary. someone could have crap their pants. serious.

anywho, rehat time eat eat like i always do then went for science. surprisingly, i did work (omfg!) cause had to hantar the book for marks maybe thats why i was so semangated. during agama played tai ti, got scolding from ustazah because never bring book, etcera etcera. after agama, while waiting for teacher to come up, me, kong, tommy, ruth and philip watched the basketball game and ejek ejek ooi. (sorry). kong was like ooiruth! and i was like kongjade! haha,funny part was ruth hit philip not kong hahha. in bm class, all of us were talking bout porn, tights and some shit. p.s. kong is a horndog pervert. all the things we were talking bout shouldnt have been discussed by 14 years olds.

haha, anyways, masa blik watched pro people play bball then head home. so here i am writing the lamest post in the world in the lamest blog in the world. ciao people.

No Idea

hey, this post is specifically dedicated to a certain person who is a man, with a name that rhymes with masam and have a goatee that looks like hairy shit stuck to his chin.

that motherfucker not only fucking threw rubbish on the fucking floor, he told me to pick up his garbage shit. he motherfucking did it, he should do it. somemore that dog, insulted the way i played basketball in front of my whole class like he's some kind of fucking king of basketball. fuck you man. if any basketball player said that i wouldnt mind at least they play the sport. but this middle age motherfucker doesnt even know what a lay up and a chop is and can talk shit to me. which makes me shit angry.

the worst part is i let it get to me. when i reached home i was so upset i would have ripped my basketball apart. but i dint of course. cause i knew all that time i wake up 5am in the morning, wait 2 hours to start playing, stayback for 2 hours almost every single day, aint for nothing. sure im not mvp, sure i still miss shots but im human. i make fucking mistakes. so if that jackass of a dog, thinks he's fucking pro-er than me so be it. at least i myself know he cant motherfucking play.

God, im sorry for being so you know like that. but i was so angry it was beyond me. i never had anything against him. when he came into the class, i sat down quietly and read my book. but he had to go all commando personal emotional shit attack on me. i think he just hates me for reasons unknown to man kind. anyways, kal is hating on another teach so S.U.S.U. is back on people. worst part is both teachers are coming morning next year. how unlucky.

lets just hope shit like this could be avoided. i seriously have no time for all this drama shit. tata

Alpha Dog

hey. been doing maths recently. i still remember everyone tellin me form 2 maths is fucking easy. its a fucking lie.

i got so annoyed doing it. my mum got annoyed too since i keep asking her questions and she telling me how to do but my brain doesnt seem to process them in a language i understand. in the end i just nod. its totally obvious i dint get it and my mum could see that but she just let it go ^_^

anyways, today in class, kal, elaine, kong and ooi dint cme to school. plus teacher norliah called all the koperasi people out. i was preparing for her to say "you're fired." but thank God that dint happen. instead she said thank you to all of us for working so hard. (my wtf face was on the entire time she said "te-ha-nnk yoo-u") haha. then got back in class and did my maths or more like trying to do maths.

then after some time, teacher jc called me and ruth to go weigh and shit. we were so excited for no apparent reason. haha. it turns out i grew but i put on weight. damn shit. oh well. then pj time well you can guess what happen

i got in trouble.

my pj teacher dnt let grls play bball (how sexist is that?) so me and ruth wanted to find some escape route and we did. when he saw us all he could do was shake his head hehe. so made a fool of myself and head to class. wtched the bball game for awhile (ooi and some guy against dollah and an win) which was real intense. anywho, during agama uh i...

i got in trouble.
again.

she called all of us then ask us to do pafa right there and then. gulp. i hentam shit ony and manage to get everytin ticky tick except one. good enough since it was on the spot kinda thing.
after that, shoot some hoops before heading home. btw the school was full of people in colourful clothes. they got sembahyang hajat for form 3 and 5. the dewan was damn full.

anyhows, head home and eat. tried to do maths again then online la. hehe. i guess i shuld sleep since tmoro goin bball. catch ya later.

Let It Rain

hello. been too long. so today, basketball in the morning duh. kept drizzling. nywho, made me piss to no end when i keep missing power shots. or any other shots to be exact. and it dint help that dollah was laughing like hell. vvf. nyways, went to eat at the nasi lemak shop. the rice was damn nice. later went to ruths and play with sam and spye. damn cute weyh.

anyhows, later went to school. had some sort of ceramah for form 2 grls. god that lady is into details. too much INFO ALERT. i fell asleep for half an hour through the thing. woke up all crappie and cramp-ii. all of us got free pads. yes pads. i just gave it away to the dudes. they were so excited bout it. throwing it round and laughing shit. it was fucking funny.

later in maths the guys were playing water war. i acted all innocent then threw water at kong. he dint even know it was me. hhaha, sorry. masa blik, watched the pros played bball. damn awesome weyh. when i reached home, eat eat and now i am bloggin while watchin tv. guess thats it. later

Arr-Rated

its not. but its a frickin funny vid. must watch fo sho.

The Sun Will Shine

hey. holidays are almost over. back to school. major zzzz. didnt do much during the hols now that i thought bout it. loads of visiting, playing basketball and shit like that. good thing didnt rain too or not it would have cramped my non existent plans.

anyways, today goin to see my orthodontist (is that how u spell it?) for another check up. i've been going to that woman for 4 frickin years. dont i get a break? if so i want it to be a CLEAN BREAK. the only person that could understand this is christopher. he's been going there forever too but not anymore though. lucky.

anyhows, back to basketball. yesterday i played with me friends. gosh i am SO out of shape. 25 minutes of gameplay and i got tired already, wtf? all my stamina gone, poof just like that,. back to frickin square one. pisses me off that.

oh, and yesterday me and ruth went round mwt for a bike ride. gosh, now i wish i got a bike so i could ride round. it'll be A WAY of transportation nyways.

athirah told me, soon driving license could only be taken when ur 21. if thats the way they want it, screw it. im driving by the time im 16. aint nothin cn stop me. okay people might but dint u kno a lost cause when its totally in your face? ^_^

so guess thatsit. since its in the morning and i have a bloody headache, this post is completely and utterly bout nothing in particular. so catch yer later

Protein

well, yello. lets get to the main point shall we? yesterday, me dad's friend came over with his family. at first we thought at most it'll be like less than 20 people since its just one family. guess what? they arrived like agung like that with the cars and the noise and the people. there were like 30+ people and i didnt know ANY OF EM. AT ALL. they came in and talk talk talk. my bro and i was like salam-ing people with what the fucking faces. they arrived with 6+ cars and the cars were big shit. i didnt know how to react so i just went with the safest way possible.

to the kitchen mates.

my grams was there trying to like cut up more ketupats, adding more kuah. i just ran around helping here and there. but gosh there were loads of UNKNOWN people miling round. to make it hell lot better, all the kids were like my age so my dad was like jom eat together gether and fuck like that. knowing me, i am not the "hoo haa wee lets be friends and share secrets!" kind of person, did my dad really expect some of his friend's kids who btw was looking at me like im some kind of alien because i look chinese, to be best buds? no way.

so after the whole thing was over. the feeling of claustrophobia finally ebbed. i finally got my inner peace back.

anyhows, enough bout yesterday. lets talk bout today.

today i went for bball in the morning and turns out only kenneth and keith were there. all of em look damn tired and was like "keshen is gonna die weyh"

then somemore people came and we played bball la. after that went to eat some chicken rice, which was delicious btw. anywho, went to ruths house and her dog looks really huge now. last time he was like near my knee there or shorter. now he's like almost to my waist. that dog can grow. he's still cute though ^_^

talk talk talk there then head home. after having me bath, had a nap. god so awesome. THEN, my bro woke me up cause my cuz came over. i havent seem him in awhile and he's grown too. all my cuzes are real tall these days. so layan layan, talk talk, then he head to my aunties.

my grams wanted to go get some nasi impit (ricecakes) so i just follow la.

after that went to my aunties and spend time with the really cute kitties. their damn fat now with all the eating and shitting. my cuz was telling me the mummy cat is pregnant. AGAIN. gowd, what a whore haha. her kittens are barely 3 mnths old and shes pregnant hmm...interesting

nyways, rest of the day passed by quickly and now here i am online-ing at 3.40 a.m. cant sit still la. wanna go find something to do. later gator.

Academic Trainers

oh yeah i knew i forgotten something. last thursday we had this not so surprising but surprising spot check. my bag got ransacked but fortunately, my phone was with ms. voon so i manage to escape hehe. elaine was both lucky and unlucky. her product presents all kena rampas but her phone which was under the table, managed to not kena rampas. i dont get it whats wrong with bringing lip balm to school? other students might get distracted because of its shininess when it is applied on people lips? honestly, its fucking retarded.

then we had this assembly thingy, and ooi won first place for a competition. guess what they called him? "tempat pertama ialah ooi jin kong"

laughter.

how did chern turn into kong? try to imagine how confused both of em were when teacher said that. anyways azizah was like scolding me bout me not wearing tudung i was looking around and a big percentage of malay girls are not wearing tudung why am i the target?

then prakkash lit up a firecracker in the middle of the court and started dancing round and round in front of all the teachers. it was hilarious. then sharlene took out the tepung and i dont need to go on for you to know what happen. btw, sorry again ying bout the tepung thing >< played basketball for a little while it felt awesome to run round. haha. gtg now. need sleep or not i'll look like a zombie tomorrow. tata